


Don’t leave me, I’ll freeze

by NO_LABEL



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Comfort, Kinda, M/M, Members leaving exo, mentions of other exo members - Freeform, this made me emo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 22:19:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14506686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NO_LABEL/pseuds/NO_LABEL
Summary: Junmyeon has never been good at dealing with people leaving. He decides that it’s best to not call Exo family and keep his feelings and doubts to himself.





	Don’t leave me, I’ll freeze

**Author's Note:**

> As always, english is not my first language andI haven’t proofread this, so sorry for any mistakes. Title is inspired by God don’t leave me by Highasakite. The song is beautiful, please listen to it. Also, this is probably a bit of a mess, but I needed to get it out before I exploded.  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy it:-)

Junmyeon has never been good at dealing with people leaving. His mother had gotten pregnant after a one night stand, and for some reason she chose to drop out of school and try to raise a child. He’d never met his biological father, and he was pretty sure his mother didn’t even remember the guys name.  
His mother. She had tried her best, Junmyeon knew that. She had tried her best, but it wasn’t enough for this cruel world. She tried to get a job, but since she had no experience in anything and she’d dropped out of school, no one wanted her. It’s understandable, but it still makes Junmyeon mad. If she had gotten a job, maybe things would have been okay. Maybe his mother would have been a bit more happy. Maybe she wouldn’t have had to sell her body to get food for them both. Maybe she wouldn’t have left him with his grandmother when he was six. Maybe she wouldn’t have disappeared. She loved him, he knows that, but it was too much for her. And Junmyeon has forgiven her, ‘cause it wasn’t really her fault. It was the world who fucked her up, and he was just there to make it all a bit harder.  
He didn’t pity himself though. His grandmother was a great person, and she’d been there for him and loved him like his own parents should’ve. She had encouraged him to audition for SM, and now here he was, living in a dream, though it was reality.  
And he likes it, he really does. It is stressing, and there’s a lot of work, but he likes it. But when people leaves, it gets hard, and Junmyeon wishes it didn’t, but he doesn’t know how to handle it better.  
When Kris decides to leave, he tries to run away to his grandmothers house, but his manager catches him in time. He knows deep inside of him that the other members are struggling too, that it’s hard for them to, and as a leader he should be there for them. The only thing that’s on his mind though, is that one of his best friends has left him, and he’s not good enough for anything. It’s his fault, everything that has ever happened to make Kris leave, and Junmyeon hates himself for it. The only one who has ever made him feel like that’s not true is his grandmother , so naturally that’s where he tries to escape to.  
He can’t though, so he gets in the car with their manager and puts on a fake smile for the next weeks.  
Then, a few months later, Luhan tells them that he’s going back to China, and he’s not coming back. Junmyeon feels his insecurities from before double in size, and as soon as they’ve said goodbye, he tries to run away again. Of course their manager catches him again, and he has to put on the fake smile again and pretend it’s all okay, that he’s okay. He comforts the other members and promises his manager he won’t try to run away again.  
Around a year later though, he gets tested again. When Tao says he’s going to leave, Junmyeon feels his insecurities bubble up again. It’s been a good year for Exo, and he thought he had everything in control, but apparently not. He stays this time though, and he doesn’t really know why. It may be Yixings very fake smile when he says that he’s the only chinese translator left. Or maybe it’s how Sehun comes to lay in his bed the next few nights, because now he’s lost two of his best friends in Exo. So he doesn’t try to run away again, and their manager smiles to him the next day when he comes to check up on them.  
His insecurities though, has tripled in size, and he just gets better and better at hiding it. He figures it’s just something he has to live with, so he tries to ignore them, even though it makes him lay up at night until he has to wake up the other members. If somebody notices, it seems like they don’t care enough to say anything. He works harder and keeps his smile on, even though it’s getting faker and faker by each day.

“Junmyeon, wake up.” Their manager is standing in front of his bed with a sad expression on his face, and all he can think is that another member has decided to leave. What he doesn’t expect though, is to hear that his grandmother just passed away from a heart attack. Junmyeon can’t breathe for a second, and when he finally can all that comes out is a loud sob. Because she can’t leave. She can’t leave him. He knows she didn’t choose to do this, but Junmyeon is a mess that’s never been cleaned, and right now his fake smile is disappearing along with his belief that there is someone who loves him. His manager leads him out of the room and sits down with him on their small couch. Junmyeon keeps on crying for what feels like hours. Suddenly there’s a hand on his shoulder, and he hears Yixing voice ask what’s going on. He can hear their manager explain it to him, and also that their schedules are free for the next week. Then, Yixing sits down beside him and holds him until he falls asleep, still with tears falling down his cheeks.  
After that, everything gets a lot worse. Junmyeon feels like he has nothing to hold on to, no one who loves him, and keeping on the fake smile is getting harder and harder. He knows that the other members notice though, so when Yixing one day sits down with him and asks him what’s wrong, he’s not surprised. He is not prepared though, and his voice decides to stop working. Yixing, being the sweetheart he is, tells him it’s okay if he doesn’t want to tell him, but that he should know all the members are there for him if he wants to talk. Junmyeons’ voice is still not working, so he just nods his head and leaves to go to the bathroom. There, he takes a long shower to try and cover ip the fact that he’s crying like crazy, and he doesn’t get out until Jongin’s banging on the door, yelling that he has to pee.

As time passes, Junmyeon just gets more and more tired. He tries to keep up the happy facade, but it is so exhausting. Yixing seems to get more and more worried to, and if there’s one thing he doesn’t want to, it is to worry the biggest sweetheart on the planet. Even though he hasn’t told the dancer anything, he still takes care of him, and Junmyeon feels like he doesn’t deserve it. Yixing makes sure the car is quiet so that Junmyeon can sleep, because of course he has noticed that he never really does. When Junmyeon trips over his own feet ‘cause stuff like food and rest has lost its meaning to him and that makes him very dizzy, Yixing is there to help him up. Junmyeon knows that he’s not really supposed to feel this way, that it’s not good for neither him or the group, but he doesn’t want to worry more people, so he keeps his mouth shut. At least that’s the plan.  
It’s 2017, and Exo is doing great. So great in fact, that right now Junmyeon has nearly forgot about the members who left. He’s still struggling and he can hardly remember what it feels like to have slept for more than two hours, but the group is doing well, and the other members seem all very happy. But of course, when it seems like things are okay, it’s all gonna end. “I have to go to China for a bit.” Yixing is standing in front of all of them, and he has his eyes downcast, like he’s ashamed of what he has to do. “For how long?” Of course it’s Minseok who’s asking, because he is actually good at handling situations like these. “I don’t know. The company said for a few weeks, but I have a feeling it’ll be a lot longer.” And Junmyeon just can’t take it, he can’t, because someone’s leaving him again, someone’s leaving him again, and he’s never been good at dealing with that. He walks out of the living room they’re all gathered in and locks himself in the first bedroom he gets to. He feels his legs giving out under him, and he falls to the floor. He can hear someone knocking on the door, but he doesn’t register who it is, because Yixing is leaving, he is leaving, and Junmyeon really doesn’t have anyone. No parents, no grandmother, no real friends. He’s no leader, at least when he can’t even be there for the other members, and that thought is what makes him break. He starts crying, trying and failing to be quiet, and he knows that whoever’s knocking on the door can hear him cry.  
He doesn’t know how long he lies there. When the door opens though, he has at least stopped crying. He doesn’t bother checking who it is, but when he feels two arms familiar wrap around him, he turns around. “Tell me now. It’s bothering you so much. Please, tell me.” And Yixing has never sounded so sad before, and Junmyeon doesn’t want him to be sad, so he tells him. He tells him everything, from when he was born ‘til now, and Yixing listens. When he’s done, the dancer speaks up. “I’ve always thought that there was something that wasn’t right in your life, even though you never told anyone. And I wish you’d told someone earlier, ‘cause keeping all that inside you has not been healthy.” Yixing looks so sad, but there’s also something else in his eyes, something that Junmyeon hasn’t seen in a long time. It’s love. “I’m not leaving forever. I’m gonna come back, no matter how long it takes. Exo is my family, you are my family, and I’m not gonna leave you behind. I promise.” At those words Junmyeon breaks again, and he feels tears gathering in his eyes. And because he is a bit of a baby when he’s sad, he looks up at Yixing and asks him “Pinky promise?”, and Yixing links his pinky with Junmyeons’ and answers “Pinky promise.”

He’s getting better. Yixing told their manager that Junmyeon needed professional help, and even though he originally didn’t want to, he gave in when Yixing looked at him with a look that said “If you don’t listen to me now, I’m not gonna speak to you for a year”. The other members doesn’t know what’s going on, all they know is that he’s seeing a psychologist. He kinda wishes he had someone in the group to talk to, but telling any of them seems scary, so he tells himself he can manage with phone calls with Yixing when it gets too much. The members though, takes mire care of him. Maybe Yixing talked to them, Junmyeon doesn’t know, but Sehun has started sleeping in his bed sometimes and they always makes sure he has eaten and had enough rest. And to some it might have been annoying, but to him it’s exactly what he needs. He’s starting to get more happy, more sure of himself, and his members caring is making him feel like they care about him. And Yixing tells him again and again that they do, they all do, and Junmyeon is starting to believe it. He does have bad days, even dab weeks, but now people knows. He can talk to his psychologist, and Yixing is there to tell him that it’s all gonna be alright. Junmyeon finds himself missing the dancer more and more, but instead of getting sad and lonely, he tries to remember that he is coming back and he’s got the other members too. And it works. Finally it works, and Junmyeon is finally starting to see Exo as his family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
“Yixing!!!!!” Baekhyuns’ screaming is loud enough to be heard by aliens, and Junmyeon wishes he could keep it down a bit. They don’t need more complaints from the neighbours. When he walks to the hallway though, and sees Yixing himself, he finds it hard not to scream too. He knows he’s smiling like an idiot, but he’s happy now. Lately, he’s had fewer and fewer fake smiles, and it’s a good feeling. When Yixing meets his gaze and smiles back, gestures for him to come over and wraps him into a long hug, it’s one of the happiest moments of his life. “I’ve missed you.” “I’ve missed you too.” They can barely hear each other, voices muffled because of the hug, but he’s happy, he is so happy, and he knows that it’ll stay that way for a long time.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Are they just friends, are they boyfriends, are they idiots in love who hasn’t realised or told each other yet, who knows? I know that I wouldn’t be able to write more though, because 2000 words are a lot for me, and because there was so much focus on Junmyeon and his fucked up brain I felt like it didn’t really fit to put in obvious romantic feelings in this. (Wow, that was a long sentence. My teacher would be proud.)  
> But thanks for reading, hope you liked it:-)


End file.
